The World Needs to Know

Yom Hashoah 

Holocaust and Heroism Remembrance Day 

Yom Hashoah 2021 is observed at sundown, Wednesday, April 7th and ends at sundown on Thursday, April 8th. Yom Hashoah, also called Holocaust Remembrance Day, commemorates the lives of the Jewish people who died in the Holocaust between 1933 and 1945 more than 76 years ago.

Approximately six million Jews and some 5 million others, targeted for racial, political, ideological and behavioral reasons, died in the Holocaust. More than one million of those who perished were children. 

This day is remembered in the Hebrew calendar on the 27th day of Nisan.

Watch this video from 2017 of a group of young Canadian students

 visiting Auschwitz along with a survivor of the Nazi death camp

Who will remember me?

I went to a shiva call the other night (shiva: In Judaism, the first period of structured mourning. Throughout the shiva period, mourners come together in the mourner’s home to offer their condolences and support.) Although it might sound odd to those who are not familiar with the custom, this shiva was truly what one should hope for.

Yes, everyone offered their condolences and concern for the bereaved, but then the house was filled with smiles, chuckles, and remembered stories to share. The table and counters were laden with trays of cookies, cakes, fruits and hot foods — all brought by visitors or sent by friends to help “take care” of the grieving family.

The house was full, so much so that there was barely a place to sit, with friends who knew the deceased (some from early childhood), knew the mourning family, and distant relatives. The woman had been a teacher and former students and her fellow teachers came, neighbors stopped in, members of her social club. There were a lot of people filled with love.

Seeing how this woman touched so many lives and how many people loved her makes someone wonder at their own mortality and how she will be remembered when her time comes. Of course I know my immediate family will be there and most probably some cousins and even a neighbor or two… but will the funeral chapel be filled and will my loved ones’ home be filled with people who remember me and who will help to ease the grief?

I’ve been haunted by a funeral I once attended. She was, in my heart, a wonderful person, but she had survived all of her blood family and many long-time friends. There was a storm the day of the funeral and while she had been active in her local community, she had pre-made her arrangements in a funeral home that necessitated public transportation for her neighbors to attend. Between those that weren’t left to mourn her passing, the horrible weather, and the distance from her small circle of friends, there were only five of us (plus the officiant) in the chapel. Six people to send her on her way. Six.

When it is my time, will there be a houseful of people to remember me, or only a mere handful to send me off? Which one will I be? I hope that people will laugh and smile, I hope that I will be remembered fondly, and I hope there will be warm hearts to surround my loved ones and help them to move on.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;

Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;

Who has left the world better than he found it;

Who has looked for the best in others and given the best he had;

Whose life was an inspiration;

Whose memory is a benediction.

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Appreciation

“We are on this planet but once, and to spend it holding back our gushing appreciation of the things that light us up is a shameful waste.” ~ Jen Sincero

          Some people find it very easy to say the word “Thanks” whether they truly mean it or not. For many it still is a welcomed word to hear, others may hear a “Thanks, but…” when it isn’t sincere. Perhaps we should be grateful for the speaker’s civility and the attempt to acknowledge our efforts, after all there are far too many times when our extra efforts are just, expected.

Although most people do a job well out of self-pride, or hold a door because that is how we were taught to do, or give a thoughtful gift just because we want to bring a smile to someone’s face, it still is wonderful to know that our actions are appreciated. I recently read an acknowledgment page in a fellow author’s book (Brenda Hill, With Full Malice) and upon seeing my name listed it filled me with a nice feeling that I was thought of and remembered for simply answering a (medical) question.

It doesn’t take a huge life changing action to do something to help another person, and it shouldn’t take that huge life changing action to be appreciated. We remember our school teachers that always seemed to fill our learning with excitement. We remember our parents for feeding and clothing us. We might even remember a doctor who helped us through some physical pain. But how often have we really taken the time to say “Thank you” and really mean it? How often have we shared our appreciation with remembrance and even passing along a kindness?

Don’t take advantage of the folks who have made your life better, no matter how minor or major their actions might have been. Get into the habit of letting someone know that they have made even a part of your day a little more pleasant, or your life a whole lot easier. Let your children know the joy they bring to you daily, and let your parents know how much you appreciate every time that they put you first. If you are a boss your employee’s paycheck may be very welcomed, but also letting him/her know that you appreciate the good job she is doing will make her day that much more pleasant.

Showing your sincere gratitude has benefits not only for the recipient but also for you: “Tossing off the half-hearted "thanks" won't cut it; deep gratitude has to come from within and in a meaningful way. This spotlights the highly social aspect of feeling grateful. Gratitude is also getting a great deal of attention as a facet of positive psychology: Practicing gratitude means paying attention to what we are thankful for to the degree of feeling more kind and compassionate toward the world at large.” (Psychology Today)

And in that vein of practicing sincere gratitude, I am thankful for each and every one of my blog readers and those that follow me on social media. Your support is a great part of why I love what I do.

The Way We Grieve ~ #MondayBlogs

September is an emotional month for many, there are the memories of 9/11 and all the lives lost and so many of us, even those fortunate not to be personally touched, still tear up and mourn the loss of lives and innocence. This year the Jewish Holy Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur happened in September; on Yom Kippur we (Jews) say a memorial prayer for the departed and remember our loved ones who are no longer with us on this earth. There are also other times throughout the year for us to remember and pay homage to those who have left their earthly presence.

Why do we keep reminding ourselves of these losses? It is important to remember our loved ones and even the ancestors we never met except for the stories we were told. We hold onto our memories, but we are not supposed to drown ourselves in sorrow. We are not supposed to stop living. In the memorial prayer we say on Yom Kippur we pledge charity in the name(s) of our departed loved ones to bring some good into the world. Life goes on.

There are natural stages of grief and most of us really have to take the journey, it's just being human:

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Some casual family friends recently suffered an unexpected loss. Their large extended family and good friends immediately encircled the grieving family being there to show their love, lend shoulders, carry tissues, cook and care for the mourners. Their pain over their loss was there, but the feeling of being left alone in the world wasn't. Like a child who fears losing his or her parents, those left behind wonder who will be there to take care of us, to comfort us, to guide us and it doesn't matter what age you are or how independent you've lived your life.

People who come to pay their respects don't always know what to say to someone who is mourning. Talk about the person, share your memories (memories to mentally hold onto are the most precious gift). Don't ignore the painful truth, that a loved one has died, but don't make that the sole focus of your conversation. Avoid minimizing their feelings or trying to make them see how much worse things could be. Even a few attempts at mild, polite humor are not out of line.

If you are planning to offer comfort to a grieving family, it may be a good idea to know the mourning and funeral customs if they are people of faith. Each religion has specific traditions they follow. If you would like to learn more about these different customs, check out  Funeral Traditions Of Different Religions (http://bit.ly/1MA1kRY)

May you all enjoy long happy lives surrounded by loved ones

“Because I can count on my fingers the number of sunsets I have left,
and I don't want to miss any of them.” 
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

#MondayBlogs ~ This Memorial Day

My dad and my father-in-law both served proudly in World War 2, both men were injured and lived with pain and other war-related complications and I remain convinced that this led to an early demise for both (58 yrs & 55 yrs respectively) – BUT THEY CAME HOME. Aside from the fact that neither my husband nor I would be here if they hadn’t, our families were immeasurably fortunate. But how I do miss hearing their “War Stories”, even the ones I heard over and over and sometimes a little more embellished than the time before…

I grew up during the tumultuous Vietnam era and saw friends who lost loved ones so tragically and so young and there wasn’t much I could do to comfort them from the pain they were experiencing. It was a time of protests and in-country violence and loss. And there was definitely anger over the lack of military benefits that our veterans received upon their return and the harsh words that sometimes greeted them as they walked down our city streets. I was present at the NYC “Home With Honor” parade in 1973 and we applauded the returning veterans while we remembered those who couldn’t return. 

Violence was brought to our shores and we find our nation embroiled in battle again, whatever happened to the “War to End All Wars”?  We have so many brave men and women who are giving their all to protect us and sometimes we suffer their losses. Memorial Day, a U.S. holiday, is a day devoted to Remembering The Fallen. Display the American Flag, “On Memorial Day, flags are flown at half-staff from sunrise until noon only, and then raised quickly to full-staff”,  place flags on veterans’ graves, and attend ceremonies – above all NEVER FORGET the sacrifices made for us. 

A suggestion: Memorial Day is often filled with picnics and barbecues and plans for summer fun ~ if you are planning this festive ritual this year be sure to set a place for the one who will never return, Remember the Fallen.

What will they remember? - #MondayBlogs

So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

(poem by Linda Ellis)

When my time comes to move on from this world I often wonder if my absence will be felt. Oh I know my immediate family will miss me – it’s fairly obvious that when you are a part of someone’s daily life your absence will be noticed and quite possibly mourned. But how will I be remembered by my neighbors, the community, people that I have had contact with for work through the years… will I be remembered for the times I volunteered in different organizations, or for the works I’ve written as a writer?

Will I be remembered at all? After I’ve been lowered into the ground will anyone even think of me; will anyone feel grateful that they ever knew me; will I have made a difference in anyone’s life? A personal fear that I have always had (sssh, I’m telling you this in confidence…) is that after I am gone, I will have just taken up space on this planet and that this world will be no better or worse for my having been here.

Like most of us I dabble now and then on social media sites and I’ve enjoyed indulging my need for nostalgia by being a part of groups like school alumni or neighborhood crowds from my childhood. I am always amazed and pleasantly surprised when I’m remembered by someone from my past that I lost touch with long ago. Somehow I must have been more than just body taking up space and I am encouraged.

Some people are encouraging the idea of “Living Eulogies”, speeches others would say about a life while the person is still around (on this earth) to hear. Sometimes referred to as “The Dash” these speeches talk about the things that dash represents, everything that went on between the birth date and the date of death. What contributions did the subject make to the world around him? How did she impact the lives of the people she knew. A Living Eulogy can be a tribute for an elderly family member, a way of showing appreciation at a milestone event, or even for some who wants a preview of what will be said eventually.

Would I want to hear my eulogy while I could sit there and critique it? Would the eulogy be truly something that would be said at my funeral with just the good stuff — or would it be honest and spoken by folks who truly know me and would I really want to hear the truth? My mother always said not to speak ill of the dead; I can’t help but think of the joke where a Rabbi was delivering a eulogy for a man and his widow turned to her son and asked him to check to make sure it really was his father in the casket.

Hopefully when my time comes there will be good things to be said by people who will even remember my name.

...

Where were you?

Where were you ten years ago when you heard?

Everyone seems to remember with accuracy where they were and what they were doing ten years ago when America was under attack - they remember when they heard about the planes crashing into the World Trade Center towers in NYC, they were already reeling when the news came about the Pentagon in flames, and people cried from both fear and pride when they heard that an airplane full of people resisted and wouldn't allow their deaths to be used as a weapon for even more destruction.

My husband and I had the day off and were sleeping in late when my sister called to tell me a plane had crashed into one of the towers - I was already watching the TV news when the second plane hit. Our son made a call home from the local high school to ask if his dad was working that day (he had been working the day before at a WTC venue). My daughter called from college (upstate) to make sure everyone was okay. Of all my memories, hearing the fear and worry in my children's voices will stay with me forever.

Where will you be today?

Towns and villages around the world will be holding memorial services. House of worship will be saying prayers. The new One World Trade Center and the reflecting pools will be the sight of dignitaries and survivors of the fallen. Periods of silence will be observed and many places will read from a lost of names. Flags will wave and candles will light the night.

Where have you been for the last ten years?

How did September 1, 2001 change you? Have you found a way to honor the memories of those who died with charity, good deeds, compassion, patriotism, and volunteerism? Do you remember to tell your loved ones how you feel every day? And if you are a parent, have you made sure that your kids know they will always be cared for?

Our lives changed ten years ago. Now is the time to remember the innocent victims, the heroes and the families who were torn apart with positive deeds. Yes take time to shed a tear and then show honor for the lives that were lost, gratitude for the heroes that came out, and compassion for our fellow human beings. Volunteer in your community. Smile at a stranger, Thank a soldier, a paramedic, a firefighter and a police officer.

Ten years ago Americans united to show strength, resilience and pride. We flew flags and came together to show we would not be defeated. Let's show we are still strong and proud, that we respect our country and our people, and that we are caring and committed to doing right.