My intentions were…

 

 

I finished reading Mary L. Trump’s book “Too Much — Never Enough” a while ago. My intention had been to write a book review to post on my Potpourri blog, but I cannot in good conscience write something UN-biased after reading this. I decided instead to write a bit of commentary and allow myself the leeway of my opinions.

 

Mary L. Trump is a highly trained clinical psychologist and the niece of America’s 45^th “president” (and I use that title lightly). No, I am not a Donald Trump supporter, but then there have been other political figures that I haven’t been in favor of and yet never felt so …strongly about.

 

Yes, I am aware that Mary Trump has written this book from HER perspective, but perspective by itself doesn’t mean it’s false. So many of the things she wrote, specifically about her family history, really gives credence to so many of Donald Trump’s shortcomings. She goes into detail what his childhood was like and in so many ways I guess you CAN blame some of what he became on his parents, especially his father.

 

Donald Trump was one of five children, three sons and two daughters, and they were all starved for affection from a mother who was “distracted” and a father whose only real interest was money. Although Donald was the second son and therefore not originally destined to take over the family business, he learned early on that he could gain his father’s approval by “always coming out on top” no matter how much he hurt others. At one point he was sent to a military academy, not to be a soldier, but because he was completely out of control at home.

 

His oldest brother, Freddy (also Mary’s dad), had interests in things other than his family real estate business and for a while actually seemed to be making an outstanding life for himself and his family. But he was terribly discouraged and badgered for his choices (Donald did his more-than-fair-share of the badgering) and eventually gave up his dreams and his wife and children, and became obsessed with alcohol. And yes he drank himself into bad health and eventually an early grave. His family’s lack of emotion and concern over the oldest son’s death is unimaginable, that’s a whole other story.

 

Donald became the heir apparent and although he tried to emulate many of his father’s successes, his father had to repeatedly bail him out and covered his errors on more than one occasion. (By the way, Donald’s father was able to start his business from money left to him from HIS mother, neither was exactly self-made.) Donald Trump grew up with wealth and financial security in a basic mausoleum of family love and warmth.

 

It was indeed a very sad upbringing and explains a lot of why he is so nasty and tears down others, and especially why he doesn’t seem to respect most females. But Donald Trump is not the only one to have such a stunted family life, he is not the only person in the world to have been neglected; most adults who have gone through this trauma have chosen to get help in dealing with life. Instead he has embraced the “only one winner” philosophy and seems void of compassion and obsessed with his own self-manufactured “greatness”.

 

While I certainly was not part of his growing years or the circles he hung out with, I personally know of people who were cheated out of payment for services he demanded. I grew up in NYC when lawsuits were filed against Donald and his father for discrimination (lawsuits which were “settled” with money and NOT vindication!). And I know of people who worked in offices he dealt with where he looked down on females and made them feel “uncomfortable”. Mary Trump’s book only confirms so many things I heard about him long before he entertained the idea of running for President.

 

The book is certainly an eye-opener and I would imagine that one of his supporters would be highly offended. I still hope that everyone would read it and perhaps explain some of what, who, we choose to vote for or against.

 

And this, my friends, is why I couldn’t write a fair book review…

 

 

Seduction

“Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to engage in a relationship, to lead astray,
as from duty, rectitude, or the like;” (Wikipedia)

Although it’s often been used as a sexual-conquest tool seduction can also apply to so many aspects of our lives. Marketing gimmicks attempt to seduce the consumer, politicians seduce their followers into voting for them, realtors seduce their clients into homes beyond their budgets, and even some job hunters are seduced into taking relocating for jobs that sound a whole lot better on paper than reality. Seduction is a tease, a front of only selected facts which may be far from the whole truth. Seduction is a way to entice someone to do something they might not have if they had the full story in front of them.  

Most sexual seduction is NOT sexy — it’s one partner tempting the other to engage in sex based on promises and conditions that (intentionally) might not be accurate. Seduction is trickery. Please excuse the metaphor, but seduction is something a “snake-oil-salesman” would do. In the instances where seduction is used in a true romantic setting, it is a way of using sensuality to tempt, not lies and half-filled truths. The seduced comes out of the encounter feeling cheated. Sexual seduction has frequently been used in romance novels in very “hot” scenes in order to grab a reader’s imagination and interest. Seduction has also been used in instructional guides telling men AND women the various techniques they could use to “win” their way into bed with a partner. Face it, alluring is sexy, trickery is just a lie.

Television commercials try to seduce the viewer every 8-to-10 minutes: “Come buy this product”; your clothes will be so clean it’s almost as if you didn’t even have to wash them; how about the more blatant sexy female model who shows up to help you decide which soda machine to choose for your cola or the housewife who is bored by her husband’s sloppy loungewear while she eats yogurt and suddenly she is facing a very attractive male actor. The possibilities seem like dream come true, but they really aren’t.

Cynical or not, most politicians will tell their would-be constituents what they want to hear and not necessarily the truth (even if it is just a few unmentioned facts). Folks go off to the polls believing in what they heard only to find in later years exactly how much they were never told and may even regret being led astray from the “other guy” they had planned to vote for. And even that job offer you received that came with a salary at least 25-percent higher than what you earn now is certainly enticing, but what the offer fails to tell you is that the cost of living where you would have to relocate to is a minimum of 38-percent higher than where you are living now.

Be wary of being seduced. Don’t be coerced or shamed into doing anything you might not have considered. Truth is a heck of a lot sexier and certainly more rewarding than deception.

People Hear What They Want to Hear ~ #MondayBlogs

Why is it that two people can listen to the exact same thing and yet hear totally different things?

Don’t worry about answering, it’s a rhetorical question.

People tend to read into difficult words rather than merely taking them at face value. “That dress really looks nice on you. It’s got a very slimming effect.” — Oh no! Does that mean I look fat? — Instead of accepting what is probably a very genuine compliment, suddenly there are tears, hurt feelings and probably anger. And that is how arguments start.

Everybody hears what they are open to hearing based on their experiences and beliefs. Politicians get to say a lot of sometimes “nothing” and yet every speech will be met with cheers and jeers based on what the listeners WANT to believe. I WANT to believe that all my financial woes can be solved by a single act of a new shopping complex and the revenue it would bring to the area; I DON’T WANT to believe that giving up my brand new shiny car will help solve global warming. The politician says the new factory which will open up jobs will be the best thing and scrubbers will be installed in every smokestack — if I need a job, I’ll hear the opportunity of a new business; but if my child is an asthmatic the words that will be loudest to me will be “scrubbers in every smokestack” and depending on my level of trust…

We tend to listen selfishly with our own interests out front. We are afraid to accept, or hear, anything that might make us question the beliefs we’ve been loudly professing. We’ll attend a campaign speech to “listen” to the words of our favorite candidate and we are rarely disappointed. We focus on the things we want to hear and all the rest is just background noise. Almost everybody in the crowd does the same thing and it’s easy to get swept up with the emotional response, cheering and clapping. When the speech is over we turn and clap each other on the backs for a job-well-done as if we were the ones receiving all of the approving applause. Later when we are asked what was said, suddenly all we can remember are the good points that we agreed with, and we might not even remember the exact words, we just repeat the very things that drew us, right or wrong, to this candidate.

It’s frustrating when we are trying to get our message and meaning out there and someone is just not listening to the words. Chances are, though, we might be doing just the same thing. Selective hearing? Biased hearing? It’s a collective problem.

Psychologists tell us that we need to train ourselves to not only listen, but to listen from the other person’s point of view. If you can argue FOR an opposing view you wind up expanding your mind. And maybe it won’t make you change your mind but it will certainly allow you stronger belief in what YOU want to hear.

Everybody’s Talking ~ #MondayBlogs

On the average every year from late summer through early November everyone is buzzing about who is running for what office, rumors and meme’s overrun social media, and invariably some “friendships” are ended after heated exchanges.

Growing up all of the neighborhood parents painstakingly instructed all of us kids “Never discuss politics or religion”. To that I say HOGWASH. I believe discourse between opposing views is necessary to growth.

The meaning of the word discourse is “written or spoken communication or debate”; the key term is communication. When I was in junior high school my social studies teacher assigned all of the students to debate teams. Ironically we each had to argue the opposing view from our personal beliefs. The class of 30 (yes, large class sizes) was irate as we were tricked into voicing our honest opinions on subjects such as gun control, abortion, euthanasia,  the draft and other such hot-button items only to be told we had to argue against the very things we believed in!

Mr. L explained that the only way we could be sure of our convictions was to understand all sides and to respect the opposing views. Respecting other viewpoints does not mean we agree, as a matter of fact our willingness to hear other views indicates that we have confidence in our decisions; likewise closing our ears and minds to different beliefs may even be from fear that we could be easily swayed.

Now remember I called this exchange discourse. Discourse is not argumentative or insulting, it’s not threatening and should certainly not include generalizations based on race, ethnicity, gender or religion. Yes we are all guilty of chuckling and sometimes passing along a funny meme or two, sometimes these memes are applauding a candidate or political office without insulting anyone — and yet the vitriol that follows  gets out of hand.

These are the interactions I don’t care to entertain. When an otherwise intellectual conversation is polluted with nasty barbs, insults or profanity then the positive exchange of knowledge and ideas ceases to exist; when someone is being verbally (and sometimes physically) attacked thinking logically often flies out the window and the result is usually anger, yelling, cursing and insults that have no bearing on the original disagreement.

So let’s discuss the issues and stay informed, but leave the fighting elsewhere.

By the way, the next United States Election Day is ‎November 3, 2015. Have you registered to vote yet?

Why should you vote for the lesser of the evils? ~ #MondayBlogs

Like many, I haven't felt in recent years that there was a single candidate for President (or any political office for that matter) where I agreed 100% with his/her philosophies - but I did feel that there were some decidedly better than others.

I wouldn't expect any one candidate to make all of the decisions I would want, how could he? It would have to be ME making those decisions and hoping that I got it all right. So each year I go to the polls and vote for the candidate that I least disagree with... you may call it the lesser of the evils, I call it the best choice of what is available.

So far in my years of voting I haven't yet regretted the vote I cast and there have even been a few rare times where I begrudgingly have felt "hey this one isn't AS BAD as I thought he would be."

Every politician is a con-artist, he or she has to be to convince others to do his bidding; every politician is in it for the glory, why else would someone subject themselves to that punishment?; every politician (in America at least) is a puppet because no office truly gives full, unequivocable power to the person sitting there; and most importantly every politician is a human being and more than capable of screwing things up.

But if I don't cast a vote for the candidate I think would do the least damage then I am handing over my destiny to others who, just like a politician, don't necessarily think the way that I do — it would be simply handing over my life without a fight.

I know which candidate I will probably vote for in the next presidential election, from track records and speeches I know which candidate comes CLOSEST to who I want in office. Even with our confusing electoral college elections, I still believe that majority votes will more likely get us the candidate MOST of us want IF WE GET OUT AND VOTE.

Please don't sit back and let a few make this decision; if you don't trust or like any of the candidates at least cast your vote for the one you LEAST DISLIKE... someone is going to get in, give yourself a say in the decision.

The United States presidential election of 2016 is scheduled for Tuesday, November 8, 2016.

(2015 elections will be held November 3, 2015)

for information on registering to vote
visit www.vote411.org/

Tolerance, Bigotry and the FaceBook Friend Button ~ #MondayBlogs

Our parents tried to teach us to lead confrontation-free lives with the cautionary advice “Never discuss politics or religion.” But did we listen… of course not. And with the advent of social media networks it has become easier than ever to give ourselves voice about anything and everything.

Does anyone really change the way someone votes in the next election? I’m sure that we can all play a part in spreading rumors and political mudslinging, but does it really have an effect where it actually makes a difference? I honestly believe that most people opinionated enough to support a cause are not relying on Facebook or Twitter for research; most people will read newspapers (hopefully several different sources), attend political rallies, research history in library and visit a candidate’s web-site to determine how they will vote. People who read a Facebook post about a hot-seat item will most likely hit the LIKE button or UN-friend the author – and then there are the FEW who will research the alleged quotes, past behavior, and political history with an open mind.

How much power do your rants and ravings on FaceBook really hold?

Is it a good thing that we express ourselves in a public forum? Yes it is. Is it worth getting into an argument online? Probably not.

In my opinion, most people voicing their political views on Facebook have already made up their minds and aren’t willing to discuss the issues no matter how many rationales you post to them. Do people like to argue? I don’t think so… but arguing on-line and being the one who started it all, now that is sense of power. Personally I like having opinions and I like to express myself, I am after all a writer aka one who communicates. For me reading someone else’s opposing view is a chance for education and personal growth, it helps me understand different perspectives; however I don’t welcome hateful speech, claims without sources, name calling or threats. I make it known on my social media pages and blogs that I can delete AT MY DISCRETION any commentary that if considered offensive.

How many of you participate in political/religious/trending issues on Facebook and other social media sites? Do you think your words have any true impact? I’d love to hear your responses.

Inspired by the article Before You Unfriend Your Facebook Pal, There’s Something You Should Know http://madworldnews.com/unfriend-facebook-pal/

page 69 theory - Karma Visited

There is a theory that if you pick up a book and turn to page 69, you will know if the book is interesting or not

so we are putting it to the test...

~~~~~~

p 69

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Well you better damn well get yourself … up to it. This is my night and I expect you there. The whole town will expect to see you there.”

Annie spent a good part of the night crying and her head felt like it was going to explode. There was no way she felt up to acting on command. “Scott, I can’t.” She started to clear the table from the breakfast dishes.

Scott shot up from his seat and grabbed her arm. Annie spilled the half cup of cold coffee she had just picked up. “You are going. That’s it.”

She tried to pull her arm back. He wouldn’t let go. “Scott, you’re hurting me.”

“You will be there tonight or I will really hurt you.”

“No.” Annie was trying not to cry. “I… just can’t go tonight,”

She struggled to get away. He shoved her and she fell to the ground.

Before Annie could get up, Scott turned to his mother and told her to call the doctor. He held her down. “Okay, you want an excuse not to go?”

Annie could hear Dianne on the phone. “Yes, she tried to hurt herself. Yes, twenty-four hours, yes.”

“We’ll bring her in. Make sure he’s got everything arranged.”

“No, Scott please.”

“Now you don’t have to go anywhere tonight.”

An orderly met Scott and Dianne at the door as they struggled to bring Annie into the facility. Scott forced pills down Annie’s throat at the house and she was no longer speaking clearly. Her protests were incomprehensible rants to bystander ears.

The attending doctor instructed the orderly and a nurse to bring her into a room and use restraints. “Prepare to give her five of Haldol.” The doctor hoped the antipsychotic would help bring her out of her manic behavior. He turned his attention back to the seemingly distraught husband. “How long has she been like this?”

No one believed her when she denied trying to hurt herself. Scott appeared appropriately upset and Dianne comforted him.

“This episode?”Scott looked directly into the doctor’s face. “She’s been off since she got up this morning. We were having breakfast and she went into the kitchen and got a knife…”

“Did she try to attack you or your mother?”

“No. I don’t think that was her intention. At least I didn’t get that impression.” He feigned innocence. “It’s been a while since she’s had an episode like this.”

Annie tried to call Scott a liar but the words wouldn’t come out.

“Do you know if she took anything?” The doctor headed towards the room Annie was in.

“No. I mean she was out of my sight for about a minute or two, that’s when she got the knife.” Scott and his mother followed closely behind.

Karma Visited

Do you believe in karma? Annie Furman has a gift that allows her, while she sleeps, to visit people in their time of need - but who will be there for her when she needs help? Undersheriff Dave Turner is investigating a series of home invasions and homicides. He has no idea that solving this case will lead him to the woman of his dreams.