Grief

We've all experienced it, it's that ache inside your chest that has led to the common and anatomically wrong description of "a broken heart". Your heart may feel like it's breaking over the loss of a parent, a sibling, a pet, or any loved one. Sometimes grief strikes over the ending of a way of life, the loss of a dream, a worrisome medical diagnosis, or the breaking of a cherished object, but there it is.  Grief never leaves, it is just something that you learn to live with.

 

No one's grief is as intent or paralyzing as another's. No one solution will work for all to put grief away in a tidy little box and only visit it occasionally. A response from someone may seem callous at first… just get over it… it might be that person's inability to process or deal with their own fear of grief. Grief is like a fingerprint and different for each person, and even different for one person dealing with more than one loss. Grief's five letters, like fingers of a hand, will slap you until you can no longer turn away.

 

The past two years have been tough on so many, Covid deaths and losses, isolation from loved ones, failed businesses, lost income, and so many lost opportunities. Yes, things MAY be easing now, but it's so much time lost, so many changes. So many of us are confused between our anger and our sorrow. So many of us just want to resume our NORMAL lives, but we can't, we can't rewind to a time we felt safer and more connected. So many of us are struggling. So many are mourning losses, time, missed events, missed memories, and now we are just expected to resume our lives as if nothing ever happened.

 

If you are struggling, there is help…

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

Veterans’ Crisis Line

1-800-273-8255 press 1

National Drug Helpline

1-844-289-0879

Reach out, for yourself and for others

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CONNECTIONS

Our always-on-social-media, while there are downsides, has the ability to reach out and communicate at a needed time. Sometimes it may not mean much for someone to have a virtual stranger wish her a Happy Birthday, but then maybe it just might be the lift she needs to get through today.

Scroll through platforms like Facebook and people share heartaches and disappointments, brag about accomplishments, offer condolences, share jokes and any myriad of emotions. Users announce the loss of loved ones, and ask for prayers, or say thanks for being there when you were really needed.

PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE. We all need interaction with others. We need to vent, to ask for advice, to offer and accept virtual hugs, to complain about the weather, and so much more. Especially after this past year when so many were in near complete isolation, social media and visual apps were the things that helped to keep folks in touch with others.

It may not seem like much when social media acquaintances post a GIF or Meme to help cheer you up, but it does have the ability to make you feel as if someone cared. Many of those who post condolences, encouragement, congratulations or support may only be expending a few moments and a few keystrokes — but they are spending those few moments ON YOU. Someone took the time, their precious time, to let you know that someone is out there.

Next month is National Suicide Prevention Month. There are several reasons why some attempt, or unfortunately succeed, at committing suicide. Among the reasons for suicide, loneliness is one of the major factors. Whether you pay a visit, make a phone call, or simply make it a point to remember someone on social media, you could make a crucial difference in their feelings of loneliness and of being forgotten.

You may be that person’s reason for getting through today and hopefully tomorrow.

If you ever feel the need, or know someone else
who is contemplating suicide,

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

OR

Text GO to 741741 to reach a trained Crisis Counselor through Crisis Text Line, a global not-for-profit organization. Free, 24/7, confidential.

 

 

 

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND

 

Sounds familiar, yes? That is the title of a poem written by John Donne (the Dean of St Paul's Cathedral in London in the early 17^th century).

No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent, 

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less,

As well as if a promontory were:

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were.

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee.

 

What does this mean? We do not exist by or for ourselves, we are not the only ones who matter. This also means that we tend not to thrive when isolated from our fellow men (& women). Ironic isn’t it how so many of us are still reeling from the isolation we experienced through much of 2020 and part of 2021?

 

It is no wonder that so many of us are ready to “get out into the world”, we need to hug our loved ones, kick up our heels a bit and party, take the family on that exciting vacation and mix with others… Yes, it is time to “live again”, but we still have to be cautious.

 

Just today I read an article how better than half-a-dozen ALREADY VACCINATED people came down with Covid after being a crowded meeting together. Admittedly, there was no report of how many total people there were who were NOT vaccinated. The thing is, is it really so hard to wear a mask for safety in a crowded indoor setting?

 

The vaccines offer up to about 94% immunity, that’s still not 100%, and depending on out individual immune systems, those few points might make a difference. And before you ask why bother getting the vaccine at all, the recorded statistics do show that fully vaccinated folks who do catch Covid-19 generally have milder cases than those without vaccines. And since they have found variants of the virus, we should still take precautions anyway. Down the road we will learn more about boosters and more.

 

It is very scary, but it is scarier to think of a widespread pandemic shutting off our contacts with family and friends again. We are in this all together — like Donne said, “NO man is an island”, so let’s work together and live life TOGETHER… SAFELY. 

Do it for yourself and for those around you.

 

John Donne

Day 352

It’s been nearly a year of isolation. The lack of human contact has finally gotten to me. I long to see someone’s smile. I long to feel the gentle arms of hug.  It seems my only connection with the outside world has been on a computer screen… at least I’ve had that. I couldn’t even fathom living through this without the technology that does provide us with some connection.

 

March 16, 2020, businesses and restaurants were closed in my state because of this scourge they call COVID-19. Life has changed, it will probably never be the same again. Some business has re-opened, maximum capacity is minimal — some businesses are gone for good, financially destroyed forever. There was a time when an evening at a movie theatre was fun, and now it is just a vacant dream as if it never really happened.

 

Each day headlines that appear on online newspapers mention percentages of unemployment and lost jobs due to businesses closing, there are lists of homes being sold by families who can’t afford them anymore, children have been kept from classrooms and parents are concerned that their children will never catch up on their academia, animal shelters have been closed to outsiders making adoption a nearly impossible task. Periodic food shortages, closed fitting rooms, curbside delivery… just so many catchphrases, so many changes.

 

 I read an article that claimed there is an average of nine relatives and close friends who have mourned every death since this pandemic invaded our shores. It’s unfathomable when I do the math. Half a million deaths… “As of March 1, 2021, there have been around 513,090 deaths related to COVID-19 in the United States”…that means there are more than four million people who have mourned for lost loved ones. The numbers are incomprehensible.

 

There’s a glimmer of hope, but we need to be patient. After many failed attempts I finally made it onto a list to receive a vaccine injection. My dreams of LIVING have begun to creep into my daily thoughts. One shot, then wait another 28 days or so for a second, and then another 30 days for the full effect to happen. Even then there is the recommendation to continue wearing masks and to avoid crowds. BUT — there’s the possibility of living life again to see smiles, to hug relatives, to sit in a restaurant for a meal… so many things to look forward to.

 

Three-hundred-fifty-two days to date, almost an entire year and the hope of one day moving on. I look forward to shaking hands in greetings, to watch family children grow-up first hand, and just to be with people.

 

 I can’t wait.

 

 

 

#StayAtHome

The curve is flattening! And that is good news indeed, but it doesn’t mean that the danger is over. The COVID-19 virus is still out there. Because of the STAY-AT-HOME orders that many governors imposed, and because of the folks that chose to heed the advice as well as wear masks and gloves when they NEEDED to go out the rate of infection is slowing. This doesn’t mean it’s safe to gather in large groups YET, or that we could come and go freely in and out of stores and other attractions… This does prove that self-isolation and personal protection IS helping, for now it’s a good idea to continue, as we can, social distancing.

But we all know being stuck in the house can be
B O R I N G. There is only so much television to watch and only so much junk food to keep eating. And if your children are home from school (many schools will remain closed for the balance of the school year), well, there’s a reason you chose NOT to home school! Besides you probably miss your family and friends and even if you have immediate household members with you during this seeming house arrest, it can get lonely.

We will probably have more time ahead of us that we are expected to #StayAtHome but it doesn’t have to be quite as boring or lonely. If you have a phone, a smart-phone and/or computer, internet, a television, or some of the 2020s technology, there are things to do for YOU alone, for your family, and for your relatives and friends sequestered elsewhere.

Use the internet to travel! Yes, you can visit so many interesting places in a virtual state of mind. Take the family on a virtual tour of 6 National Parks in the South, you don’t even need to check your luggage, https://bit.ly/2xbafwg or decide to visit some fantastic online museums at https://bit.ly/2Vwi7jQ . Are you looking for something you AND your kids can enjoy together (as well as sneaking in some terrific learning opportunities)? Choose from several virtual field trips including farms, zoos, volcanoes, and mystery — just book yourself online at https://bit.ly/2V9m5jz. Who says you just have to stare at the same four walls?

It’s a great time to enrich yourselves both physically and mentally. Find lots of online exercise programs from Aerobics to Zumba. Just type exercise programs into your search bar and find free online videos of Cardio, Yoga, Pilates, Barre, strength training, muscle building, dance and more. You can even find age appropriate programs for kids to seniors. Check out Silver Sneakers for adults over 50 at https://youtu.be/3vMRccmpXC8, relieve some of the stress you been feeling with a free Yoga meditation class at https://bit.ly/2XAZttV, or help your kids work out some of their pent-up energy at https://youtu.be/WxSexSQJmKY.  

Keep your students learning or just augment online lessons from your child’s teacher, sign up for a FREE account at https://www.khanacademy.org/, various subjects are included for K through grade 12. And why not take the time to learn a variety of subjects for yourself? Check out free online First Aid, CPR and AED courses https://www.firstaidforfree.com/ , learn a language for free at https://www.duolingo.com/, develop creative writing skills with the original blogs that the Living, Writing, Breathing Amazon Kindle Blog was based on at https://bit.ly/2Vtk80i, or take college level classes for free (nominal fee for final exams) at https://bit.ly/2yj5bFX. And don’t forget to check online resources on your local library’s website, your library card is usually needed for access.

Finally while you may not be able to have face-to-face in person contact with your extended family and friends, there is NO reason you can’t spend time together. Download free apps from SKYPE or ZOOM for group get togethers, or Facebook messenger video chat for just two locations. Celebrate happy occasions, share Sunday dinners (each have your own dinners and share table chat), or even have fun trivia games, charades or even book club meetings over the internet! Whether you use a computer or just call people on the phone, hearing each other’s voices will do you all a world of good.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of our 1^st Responders, Medical Professionals and essential workers who are helping to keep our country running.

Wishing you all health and safety and a time when we can all meet again.

.

#StayAtHome  Prevent the Spread

  

What a Strange Time This Is

Passover, Easter, Ramadan… we are NOT cancelling our holidays, but we are celebrating/observing with a little less family at our tables and without the time we normally spend in our house of worship.

If you observe one of these holidays, like me, I am sure you are thinking, it doesn’t even feel like… Passover has always been one of my favorite holidays. As a young child I would go to sleep the night before and when I woke in the morning, like magic, everything in the kitchen had changed. I truly thought it was magical and never realized the hours my mom spent to “kasher” (clean) the kitchen, change dishes and restock the pantry with the type of food we would be permitted to eat over the next eight days. Even more fun were the Seders where we told the story of the Exodus and my parents hosted dinner for so many relatives. And oh the fun of taking that first bite of horseradish and watching to see who ran first for a tall glass of water!

When I got married, by then I knew the work involved, but it was so worth it. After my parents passed I started hosting large Seders and sometimes there were as many as 24 at our table. It was a lot of work, not magic, but as I watched my own children’s faces it was so very worth it. As they grew they would always ask their friends to come over, it was always a special time whether our guests observed or not. I admit as I gotten older and our children are now adults with their own spouses and homes, I’ve begun to cater the size of the crowd a bit because, yes, it is a lot of work.

And this year (sigh), it is all different. Our son and daughter-in-love are EMTs and in the frontlines of this COVID crisis; our son-in-love is with the FD and also on the frontlines and our daughter waits for him each day at home. This year our Seder table will seat just the two of us, my husband and me. Between the important work they are all doing, the Stay-at-Home orders, and the scary risk of infections, we will be just the two of us. Our daughter is planning to “host” a short ZOOM Seder on the 2^nd night so at least through the gift of electronics we can share a bit of the holiday with them. If our son and his wife have the time in te very busy schedules, maybe we’ll see them too.

I shouldn’t be complaining, I know. Everything just feels so surreal. Shopping was an adventure as we certainly couldn’t go hopping from store to store, so many of the shelves were bare anyway. We certainly have more than enough, especially since it is JUST THE TWO OF US. I am thankful it is the two of us, we have each other at a time when families are being destroyed. And I am thankful that we can use a computer and pretend, at least for a short while, that we are actually together with our offspring. I know I will get choked up when, at the end of the Seder service, we say the line “Next year in Israel”, what I will really be wishing for is “Next year with our family.”

I wish all of you a warm and loving holiday season and the promise of your family’s safety and health and that next year you can all be together to celebrate.

Social Distancing

I’ve always enjoyed my solitude and often don’t venture from the house. I have my computer, reading, writing and the cats. Yes occasionally I like going out with my husband to dinner, the movies or other fun spots. My husband, on the other hand, likes to be on the move and not strapped to the house.

With the Coronavirus (COVID-19) emergency all around us (thank G-d we are NOT sick), we are listening to the CDC warnings — “The best way to prevent illness is to avoid being exposed to this virus.” By Social Distancing and staying away from others we can all help to SLOW the transmission rate of this disease, and actually from all infectious diseases. You don’t have to be sick and there may be no active reports of illness in your immediate community, but this virus can spread through person-to-person contact. A has the illness, even though he doesn’t know it yet, when B comes into town A and B shake hands, B comes home and hugs his wife, B’s wife goes to the local supermarket and touches produce… you can see where I am going from there.

Folks have been catching viruses forever, so why is COVID-19 making headlines? The “simple cold” virus is normally mild and causes respiratory infections, sore throats, and headaches; MOST people get over colds quickly without complications. The most common strains of the influenza virus are more severe than a cold, are accompanied by fever and can result in pneumonia or sometimes death; the flu virus can be passed usually within the first five days of infection — AND there are flu vaccines, while there are some who cannot take a flu shot (Me, me, me!), inoculation and a shorter transmission time does cut down the occurrences.

COVID-19 is a newer strain of Coronavirus, one that does not have a vaccine (yet) and can cause all of the ailments of a severe flu including very high fever and, yes, death. All respiratory illnesses can be deadly for anyone with a compromised immune system. In most people, common cold symptoms usually peak within the first two to three days of infection, while the effects of Covid-19 appear two to 14 days after exposure. A person can come in contact with someone who has the infection and doesn’t know it and then that next person comes into contact with others and passes it along. Covid-19 is spreading much faster than the flu and there is still a lot to learn about the disease.

Some of the best recommendations to stay healthy include keeping a healthy distance (at least six feet) from others who may potentially be carrying the infection. Sneeze into your elbow or tissues, dispose of dirty tissues in a closed garbage can or flushed down the toilet. Wash your hands frequently, soap and water are wonderful germ killers. Don’t touch other people or THINGS and then put your hands to your face as you can carry the germs to your mouth, nose or eyes; it is unknown how long the Coronavirus can live on surfaces but it is estimated as long as nine hours on non-porous surfaces. Wipe down your phone, computer keyboard, steering wheel, etc. with a disinfectant. Carry an alcohol based hand-cleaner and use it after touching ATM machines, elevator buttons, public handrails and more.

Getting back to that lonely isolating social distancing, don’t give the Coronavirus, or other germs, another host by making yourself available to it. If we can break the chain we might be able to slow down the progression.

As for my husband and me spending so much at-home and alone time (together… with the cats), it’s a good thing we like each other.

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To your health!